This Guy Isn't Having Sex Tonight. The Reason Why Is Hilarious.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight.

how to make a woman truly happy...

So This Is How To Make A Woman Happy? LOL!

I'm glad it's not only me! Relationships can be hard - they never seem like how they are in the movies. For most of us, it's a lot of work but usually very rewarding.

Men have tried to understand women since the dawn of time. Sometimes it's really a case of men are from Mars, women are from Venus. And you won't see a better example of it than in this story below!

If this gave you a good laugh today, don't forget to share it with your friends! :)

Password can Save Life

for every guy...

hahaha.. alcohol

which one is your month?

sleep is good for you...

parents happiness

health is wealth :-)

Professor and student conversation: God and Faith

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

P.S.

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?

Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.

By the way, that student was Albert Einstein

odd trivia facts: did you know?

 FYI:

 

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

1 pound of lemons contain more sugar than 1 pound of strawberries.

A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first (and only) home run.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.

A strand from the web of a golden spider is as strong as a steel wire of the same size.

The microwave oven was invented by mistake when an engineer testing a magnetron tube noticed that the radiation from it melted the chocolate bar he had in his pocket.

An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights. 

 

now i know... :-)

Bryan Berg - The World's Best Card Stacker

It's the best time for you to meet the best man in constructing entire buildings and castles with playing cards as his main material without the use of any glue and tape, and without even folding or bending the cards.  Bryan Berg has an extraordinary ability to stack playing cards making and imitating tall and large buildings which are famous around the globe.  Hence, he has been holding the Guinness World record for the Tallest House of Freestanding Playing Cards since 1992. To recognize his work, Guinness World Records also created a new category in 2004 and that is the World's Largest House of Freestanding Playing Cards.

 Berg continues to break his own world records with his intricate and sensational designs.  Based in Iowa, he cut his first stack of cards at the tender age of 8. Bryan holds a Professional Degree in Architecture and a Design Achievement Award from Iowa State University and a Masters in Design Studies from Harvard.

He proved to the world his extraordinary skill of art. In fact, he duplicated many of the well-known landmarks worldwide such as New York skyline and Cinderella's castle. For over 30 years, Berg has been perfecting his art.

His largest work till date is a card recreation of the Venetian Macau Resort-Hotel. With this, he broke his own world record by using 4,000 decks or an amazing 219,000 individual cards, placed on top of each other over a period of 44 days.

However he also understands that what goes up must eventually come down. As what he said, “I also enjoy knocking the structures down because I consider the demolition of each project part of the creative process.” 

Very Expensive Wedding in Pictures in Shanxie

A Wedding in ShanXi
Traditionally a very poor region of China until the discovery of vast coal deposits.

Have a look at a wedding involving one of the coal boss' family. Very expensive wedding photographs.

OMG !!!

A Ferrari here can only be the escort car!

Wedding limo: Rolls-Royce Phantom

The Groom's house

Part of the dowry (cheque, gold bars and gold rice bowl set)

The Lambo (second one) is also part of the dowry!

Groom with the best men "team"

Picking up the bride

Bride's home

The lucky bride

Part of the escort team

A \3,000 manicure, forget the diamond ring.

Giving the "Open the Door" Red Packets

Receiving the red packets on the other side

Bride's family

The wedding hall

This is one fleet for a wedding on June 20, 2009 in Datong, a major city in Shanxi.
Of course, involving another coal magnate.

F360

40 Porsche Cayennes, Range Rovers, BMW X5 and Audi Q7 are not counted as the wedding fleet, only escorts.

Classic Ferrari 575M

The escort team's job is to go ahead of the wedding fleet to "clear the road"!

The camera team

6 Jeeps as camera team
4 Ferrari leads
4 Rolls Royce main fleet
6 Mercedes
6 Bentleys
20 Audi A8s
Hummer at the back
Cayennes for the "odd jobs"

Most Expensive Animals

Below are some photos of the most expensive animals:

11. Bengal Cat for $800-$3000


10. Japanese Macaques for $3500


9. Squirrel Monkey for $4000


8. Chinese Crested Hairless Puppies for $4000-$5000


7. Savannah Cat for $4000-$10000


6. Mona Guenon for $6000


5. DeBrazzas Monkey for $7000


4. Hyacinth Macaw for $6500-$12.000


3. Tiger Python for $15.000


2. Chimpanzee for $60.000-$65. 000


1. White Lion $138.000

cool animals isn't it ...!